For all of the guys out there wondering what goes through the minds of salseras (or women in general), I sat down with some fellow lady dancers and discussed behaviors that guys should avoid at the club. In any dance culture, there is a certain unspoken etiquette. For those who are new to salsa dancing, these tips may come in handy so that you don’t give the wrong vibe.
1. We don’t endorse the use of force.
Ask the lady to dance with you, don’t 
tell her she is going to dance with you. Grabbing her wrist and urging, “Come on. Just one song” does not fly. If she declines, the best reaction is to acknowledge her choice and walk away. No verbal persuasion, cajoling or physical dragging should be utilized – especially when her boyfriend is around. If she gives the bathroom excuse, do not wait for her outside the bathroom- that is just plain creepy.
2. Ask her twice, she’ll turn to ice.
You can ask twice in one night, but not one right after the other. When a song has ended, it is best not to ask her to dance right away. Even if you both seemed to have fun, give it some time and leave her wanting more… that is much better than risking her wanting to push you away.
3. Yakkity Yak? We won’t come back.
Leave the chatting to Cathy! Keep talking to a minimum- exchanging names and where you are from at the beginning of the song is fine, but what the ladies don’t like is when guys sacrifice the dance itself, and end up doing basic step the whole song while chatting. This comes across as hitting on us.
4. Giving advice is not very nice.
A HUGE dancing no-no is giving lessons on the dance floor. Many guys assume the girl is a beginner (and if she is not, this is extremely insulting) and give her lessons or tips while dancing. Advice has its place…in the studio.
5. Look at her eyes, not at the prize
Maybe the girl is so enthralling (read: hot) you want to gaze into her eyes (or somewhere else) while dancing–but resist this temptation. It comes across as predatorial. Staring at her the entire time without blinking comes across sort of serial killer-ish. On the other hand, too little eye contact comes across as disinterested. Ladies appreciate a lead who makes eye contact now and then, to “check in”, or establish a connection. This ensures that both of us are having fun.
6. Hug me too tight, I’ll put up a fight
How close is too close? Dancing is in essence a sensual activity, but everyone has their own limits, and crossing them can have negative consequences. Certain types of contact are more personal than others, like touching the face, stomach, or butt. These are areas that you should completely avoid with strangers (and yes, we are aware of the trick where your hands on our back keep getting lower, and lower…we don’t like it). Pay attention to the lady’s feedback. If her arm is around you on your shoulderblade, it’s a good sign. If, however, her left hand has wandered to the FRONT of your shoulder, and she is slightly pushing you away, you are too close.
7. Don’t Drink and Dance
One or two drinks is fine, but if we can smell it on your breath, chances are you are sloppier than you think, and might even be more flirtatious than you think. This can affect both dancing skills AND etiquette. Oh, and PLEASE don’t spill your drink on the floor!!! (Note: if you have alcohol on your breath and get too close, it sends the message that you only want one thing).
8. It’s raining, it’s pouring…oh wait…that’s your sweat?!
Let’s talk about shirts. Some of my male friends bring an extra shirt (or three) when they go out dancing, and the ladies love it! Anyone will appreciate someone who has good hygiene (showers are good, deodorant is good, a little body spray/cologne is nice, onions and B.O. are NOT so good). Axe makes a body spray that can fit in your pocket (or car), which could be handy. Though the girl may not seem to notice, she will subconsciously, and will be much more excited to dance with you again. Guys, you can read Anthony’s “The Salsa Axe Effect” for more details.
9. Bumper cars make us see stars
There is no better way to get a girl to leave than letting her get her foot crunched by another girl’s heel. “Oh! I’m in pain! I guess I’ll have to go sit down…” We know that much is out of your control, and sometimes dance floors get crazy, but just try your best to help us stay safe on the dance floor. If we are bumping into people right and left, we may begin to believe that you are not looking out for us at all. Ladies like to get rescued, right? Well, rescue us from injury with a simple cross body lead away from the potential offender. We appreciate that as a modern form of chivalry.
10. Dancing With The Stars is a show on ABC
Not every lady’s dying dream at a club. In fact, too much showing off is a huge turn-off. This includes, but is not limited to: dips, tricks, dancing for your “audience” instead of for/with your partner, and in some locations*, that move in which the guy plants his feet and waits as his partner is expected to “do her thing” (*avoid this if you live anywhere other than Los Angeles). On the flip side, try not to go into autopilot, going through your moves mechanically rather than dancing to the music (we’ll get bored). Women REALLY appreciate a good connection when we dance, and if you are showing off for others or on autopilot, we won’t feel it. This is an area where you can get major points, regardless of level. Ladies can have a blast with a total beginner if he is into the music, and establishes a good connection during the dance.
Breaking any of these rules of etiquette will increase the probability that you will not get future dances with the girl. Why? She may have misinterpreted your intentions. The important thing is to understand what different behaviors and body language communicate. Since these 10 behaviors are all ways you can possibly offend salseras, it is better to err on the side of caution, and get lots of repeat dances with very satisfied ladies. I recommend getting a group together just like I did and asking them what they think…you might make some interesting discoveries. Follow up with this discussion in the community section…guys, we want your opinions too! What behaviors should the ladies avoid at clubs?
A big thanks to my salsera friends for collaborating! Names will not be posted to protect the innocent. 
Stay tuned for the MALE response: Top behaviors ladies should avoid at the salsa club.
Bloch is carried here as well,...
It’s funny how some of these behaviors are used by the ladies and the effect in men is positive instead of negative.
I’ve got one strategy that works great for me. Usually when I go to dance I go with some girls (friends) with whom I have an excellent chemistry dancing and having fun.
When the rest of the ladies see that, they want it too. You know, girls are extremely competitive, they can’t stand another girl having more fun than them.
By the way, I’ll be writing the article for the women – so if you have any things you’d like to share, send them my way. However, I don’t know if I’m as good as Julie in adding humor.
Ok, I send them by private message in your FB account to avoid spoilers, hehe.
this is a great article.
as i first read the headline, i thought ok, this wont match my behaviour at all.
but reading it i had to smile once in a while, remembering situations where i could have been more gentlemen like. like NOT asking for the third dance in a row.
it’s also great because most of the ladies don’t give an open feedback even if you ask.
so please more of this stuff!
Thanks Arkantos. If anyone else has ideas for what ladies should not do at the club (maybe from your experience) you can either send me a direct message on twitter or facebook.
This article makes me miss the Ask a girl thread from the old forums…ah memories.
The short guy photo is priceless…that will now be part of my collection.
Well formed article, it must have taken some thought to rhyme out most of the ten titles. The subject matter is always timely for everyone. As a married guy, it’s important to know that your well honed partner also likes being treated like a lady too. Always good to refresh the basics like etiquette.
As for the guy version…look to your PM inbox soon.
Looking forward to the rebuttal, I mean, uhm, the guys version.
A big AMEN to #4, 9, and 10! Thanks for publishing this, Julie. I’d like to add to #4 that I also don’t care for guys asking for lessons on the dance floor. I’m just learning, can you show me a few moves? Sorry, no. For three reasons: 1) This is social dance time, as stated, there are other, better times for learning new moves, 2) I’m not a lead, and although I realize there are girls who do know how to lead (and I give them props), most girls don’t so we may not the best ones to teach you, and 3) a bit part of learning to lead is remembering what you’ve learned and calling it up on the spot – the more you rely on your own memory and comfortable with your moves, the better you’ll get!
Here’s one for “What Really Grinds My Salsa Gears: MAN’S Edition”
- If you don’t want to dance with me, you don’t have to, but don’t make up an excuse for why you don’t want to dance with me
This is so lame, ladies. I go out of my way to walk over and ask you to dance, and you say that you’re tired or that you have to use the restroom or whatever. Fine, these things happen. But then I see you dancing with the next guy who asks you. WTF??
If you don’t want to dance with me, you don’t have to. There’s no need to make excuses for you not wanting to dance with me and doing so is really disrespectful. Just say “No Thanks”. No one likes being shot down, but not being honest about it just adds insult to injury.
(Guys: If she says no, don’t take it personally. She may have had a bad dance with you, she may not like the way you look or she might genuinely be tired. Just smile and say “Thanks anyway” and move on. Who knows? She might want to dance with you a few weeks later…)
How to avoid always getting turned down by a girl!
I often find myself having to say no to men who invite me to dance because they just don’t have the RIGHT TIMING!
Here’s when to avoid asking a girl to dance in my belief:
1. She has a bottle of water in her hands and is drinking it.
2. She is chit chatting with her friends.
3. She is sitting down FAR from the dance floor.
4. She is brushing her shoes
And the list could go on and on…
People must pay more attention
When I’m besides the dance floor, moving around alone. humming the song
THEN IS THE PERFECT TIME TO ASK ME
anyways I hope I was helpful!
I guess the first rule to follow when asking a girl to dance is eye contact. If eye contact doesn’t happen, then you should not pop out of the blue like a gene and ask her. A girl will turn her gaze away if she doesn’t want to dance with a guy and guys should pick up on that.
1. Thing I think ladies should stop doing is If one of your girlfriends is dancing with me and my boy asks your permission to dance respectfully, then why not? join the fun!
and how to i put my picture next to my name?? lol
Good topic.
I always approach from the front so the ladies could see you coming. Don’t want to scare them by sneaking up from the back. Smile first, this shows that you are friendly, caring. Say “Hi, how are you? Would you like to dance?” 50/50 chance, good luck.
Before this, I hope you like the song, know what type of dance it is. Dance with HER, pay attention, have eye contact now and then, SMILE
, have fun. Let your enjoyment show.
Say sorry if you screwed up (OK, even if on the off chance that you didn’t
You are men enough, right?
Always start with easy moves, note if she’s on time, her quality of connection and frame. Dance to her level, you could try a little more advanced stuff if the feedback’s positive.
DON’T make her look bad! Other women are watching too. Some of them could tell what kind of person you are by the way you dance, and may decide if they would like to dance with you before you even asked.
Women will love to dance with a guy that’s fun loving (ie: not self-centered, too showy, rough, forceful, off-time). If the dance turn out really bad, finish the song, it’s only 5 minutes of your life. To have to walk off in the middle of the song would be maybe: 1)You don’t know the dance. (Know the song/dance before you ask!Plan ahead!) 2)Injury of your partner or you (hopefully caused by other external force) Know your dance space, as the lead, you are the driver, watch where your are(and her) going.
A1 on NOT giving advice during a dance unless asked. And probably not more than 1 or 2 tips. It’s difficult to have fun when someone’s trying to learn a move during a dance. The logical learning thinking mind interferes the intuitive, expressive fun side of the mind. It’s detracts from enjoying the dance. There are other more appropriate time for learning. Dancing the basic in time with the music’s fine, above all, HAVE FUN.
Oral hygiene tips: Drink lots of water during the night as dehydration will give you bad breath. You may not know it as the night goes on, it sneaks up for both men and women. Avoid real strong breath mints or gum, cinnamon breath tends to be too overpowering (-). Preferable to smell clean rather than covering up with strong bad mints.
Have fun dancing.
Wow!!! Lots of cool tips from everyone.
Maybe there should be an article on proper etiquette when going out.
How to know the girl you’re dancing to is flirting with you, or at least she considers you a great partner:
THIS IS THE TOP 5:
1. After more than one dance she says: “Thanks! You wanna dance again?”
2. When music goes slow and you get closer, she tries to get even more closer!
3. She says things like: “I realized how to do this figure thanks to you, I love to dance with you!”
4. She stares at you most of the time looking for direct eye contact.
5. She gives you her phone number… or you give her yours and she gives you a “missed call” right away so you can save her number
Haha, I think this is a potential hot topic for another article.
@Arkantos, great list!
A good question for the women is – how can a guy know whether you are at the club to find a male companion or when you are just there to dance?
Anthony: what do you mean “just” there to dance? We are ALWAYS there to dance FIRST! Get that straight from the beginning (unless you’re looking at a not very good dancer babe out for drinks and a good time, but you’ll know her). Women like to dance! (I’d be a bit weary of the women who are there just for man meat unless you don’t mind being someone’s rebound boy toy for a night though).
So, ask her to bachata with you, pull her close enough and see if she gets closer. Some guys have this irresistable way of offering themselves in a really masculine way but not pushing it, that allows us to decide how much closer we want to be (esp. if you smell good), so just make sure if we get a bit closer you respond a bit back too, don’t stay neutral, let us know you’re interested too. Keep it gentle and respectful and you’ll have us coming back for more. (If we put your leg in a vice grip between ours, you’re pretty much home free. Take that to read that the woman is either not North American but from a culture that knows how to bachata properly or that she’s trying you on for some future horizontal dancing).
Also, because we’re usually there to dance first, sometimes we really notice you more after several dances over several weeks of repeated coming back to the same place, so if you want a good dancer to be interested in you, have patience. Usually there is an initial attraction but more energy gets put into it later once we get used to you a bit. In that case, talk to us more as you go along. We’ll respond if we’re interested. Dance close with us gently and we’ll respond if we’re interested. And then just ask if we’d go out with you some other time and get our email or number, whichever we’re willing to give (a girl’s gotta be careful too).
OR, some of you do the nice hug at the end of a dance thing, and some of you use it as a test too. Give us a nice long lingering hug with a lot of good I-like-you energy in it and if you get it back or she steps in closer increase your energy a bit too and if you get more back again, you’ve got your answer too.
Nota Bene: If we see you do this over and over again in the same night with different women, however, and we get our girlfriends to watch you while we’re dancing and they report back that you’re doing this with every girl, chances are you get cut off.
Oh boy.. Arkantos just said the things I wanted to ask.
But still, my question is -
How do you “avoid/say no to” women who just want to dance on and on with you without break while your girl is fuming watching you dance? On top of that she is ABSOLUTE beginner and doesn’t know how to take basic steps – forget understanding the lead!
Damn! I was taught never to say.. maybe I am being too polite.
I missed something
I meant – “never to say no”.
Just say thanks for the dance at the end of the song. Nothing wrong with that. Let her know you will catch her for another dance later. (If that’s what you want). Good communication is even more highly prized in some circles
than a good lead.
Here in Montreal, girls will not always be standing next to the dance floor, some sit at their table waiting to be asked.
Usually by the end of the dance I know if the girl won’t mind dancing again with me. This is usually true if I know she’s a beginner.
That’s very true, Ray.
I need to express my thoughts better
Hey, some girls are eager to learn, specially the very beginners, don’t be afraid of be their Teacher, they’ll appreciate your patience and will reward you in some way for that. Just mix the dancefloor lessons with smiles and fun (be a clown if necessary).
This weekend I asked several beginners to dance (lack of pros, haha), most of them are very afraid to make mistakes or disappoint you, it’s very important make them feel comfortable and sure of theirselves. Two quotes I got from that night:
“Are you smiling because I dance bad or what?”
“Am I doing it better?”
As Ray said, communication is very important.
Some of my most fun dances are with beginners. They are usually surprised that they could dance. Once they get lead the dance rhythm and have tone in their arms, you could lead quite a few figures with two handed leads. Repeat a move several times, so they are comfortable and get to know what’s coming later when you mix it up. Always give encouragements, tell them what they are doing right. (verbally or just with a smile). You could never smile too much. It’s so much easier to teach and learn when you are both comfortable. Smiles are very disarming. Remember their girl friends (and other women) are watching too. When they see a first timer dances, looking good and having fun. They would want a piece of that too. A jealous look from their girl friends are high compliments. The look of surprise and enjoyment from my partner is priceless. Above all, dance WITH her. It’s a nice feeling to bring joy to another person. Priceless.
I totally agree with you Ray. That’s what I have been telling my juniors
Hi All,
This is My Experience. If u see a girl moving across the dance floor this means she wants to dance so approach her but smoothly don’t grab her.
If you see 2 girls dancing by themselves which happens all the time in club. This means they want to dance. Try to approach them with your friend. This is a good way and it works.
Always wish the lady “How u doing” before u start.
Doesn’t start with crazy turns give her time to settle down?
Such a hot topic! I do agree with most of the points above. After all, I think the men (responsible for the lead), should focus on making the dance as fun and enjoyable as possible for the ladies. Period. The way a man treats a woman in the dance floor can be an indication of many things outside the dance floor.
However, there are many beginner men out there that are eager to get some time on the dance floor with experienced salseras but they encounter some advanced female dancers that never dance with them. Women do not like being turned down when they ask a man to dance. The same is true for men. So everyone, men and female, should keep this in mind and make it as fun as possible, especially for the beginner dancers because they are the ones that will make the parties better once they get really good.
Ok so I have some thoughts. When I got out dancing I try very hard to dance with every that asks me and if I need a rest I try to dance with the person I told no later. My theory is that I am there to dance not pick up men, therefore I dace with everyone (at least once). Sometime this work very well for me and I am blown away when I dance with someone that I thought was going to be horrible and they turn out to be the best lead of the night….and I call some dances community serves, sometimes you dance with someone just because you know it took a lot of courage to ask or because you know it will make them feel good about their dancing. Everyone did not know how to dance at some point. Ok now reasons I won’t dance with you: If you ask for my number or hit on me in some way, I will clearly and politely tell you no. If you don’t stop I will not dance with you! If you try to be too sexy; if you use the music and keep the sexy moments short you can do a lot but if I feel like you only care about being sexy and not dancing, I will not dance with you! If I tell you that you need to back off a little and you do not I will walk off the floor (this has only happened two times) What I am getting at is be nice, have fun, give everyone a chance and dance!!!
wow such a good topic i read the whole thing and u was on point lol the part about the onions and B.O. that is soo tru cause some people in the clubs swear their body is made out of fresh roses lmao.. but good topic
This article is awesome! I love it and I have been preaching it on my own website and blog for some time. Please let me know if I can use it on my website: http://www.torontodancesalsa.ca and of course I will give you full credit and an accompanying link so everyone can check out the article.
Keep it up!
Sharon
Hi Sharon,
I’m glad you liked the article! Feel free to share it with others by linking to this article on your page.
Please use the link below (permalink):
http://addicted2salsa.com/2009/01/13/top-10-behaviors-for-guys-to-avoid-at-the-salsa-clubs/
Thanks!
Great article!!
Where’s the Top 10 behaviors for women to avoid article?
I ask because I know of two salseras who would like to read said article. Well, one and a half… The other one may or may not be interested in reading it.
OK got all 10 of them. It has been a Month for me so I got this list early on and I am grateful. How about a list for women. I can’t find one. Here is what I observed.
1. Being disinterested. Why is she out dancing to begin with?
2. B/O specially Indian women. Come on this is bad.
3. Arguing or complaining about the tempo, etc…
4. Trying to lead. Being bossy.
5. Being moody after what has happened elsewhere. Angry, not smiling.
6. Assuming the man is making a pass at her at every move.
7. Leaving the man for another on the dance floor and not thanking. rude.
8. Asking to wash hand. Jezzuz. I wanted to slap her.
9. chatting with a friend while dancing. This is annoying.
1
Wrote this a while back, but never finished it. Anyway, here’s what I got…
1) Leave the teaching to the teachers, will ya? I don’t know how many ladies have ever tried leading, but it’s not an easy task. You have to think about a lot of things at the same time: “Is my partner enjoying herself? What move am I going to lead next? Can I lead it? Can she follow it? Are we about to run into something? Wow, the lady I’m dancing with is really pretty, etc.” The last thing we want to hear from our partner is how we’re not doing something right. You may mean it as helpful criticism, but a lot of guys take it as “You suck.”
Exceptions to the rule: If the guy is hurting you, it’s okay to say something. Also, if the guy’s trying to dance too close to you or putting his hands where you don’t want them, it’s okay to say something or just leave him there.
2) Mind the footwork, ladies. We guys know that you ladies are all about shoes. Especially really, really cute shoes. But please think about your fellow salser@s when you’re dancing in those shoes and keep your footwork small. Nothing ruins a night for a salser@ like when you take those pretty heels of yours and mash them into the unsuspecting foot of someone dancing around you. In many cases, I’ve seen this ruin or even end someone’s night.
3) Two-drink maximum: Just as you don’t enjoy dancing with a guy who’s obviously drunk off his ass, we don’t like it when you’re wasted either. (Though we are more forgiving…) Plus, the drunker you get, the harder it is to lead you (like trying to dance with a sack of concrete in some cases). I’m not saying you have to be a teetotaler; if you want to drink, that’s fine, but know when to say “when”.
4) Pay attention to the guy you’re dancing with: Just like you get put off when you think the guy’s not paying attention to you, same thing on the other side. Yes, we know that the guy you REALLY want to dance with is over there, but you agreed to dance with us, so dance with us. It’s real simple to do, just look forward. See? And even if we’re not that good, at least humor us or just say “Thank You” and move on…
5) Let the guy lead you: Yes, I know, easier said than done. Especially for those of you who are more experienced, but if you want us to lead you, then you need to follow. While a lot of leads are predictable, especially if you know the guy and how he dances, you never know if and when he’s going to pull something out of his pocket. Good leaders will play it off, but if you look into his eyes, you’ll see a hint of disappointment… As for the not-so-good leaders, well, let’s just say prepare for disaster…
6) If you’re having a good time, let it show!: I can only speak for experience, but if my partner looks bored, then I get bored. Smile at the very least! If you know any neat styling moves, break ‘em out! We guys love it when you do that! You know you’re doing it right when the guy forgets what he’s doing because he’s looking at you. And don’t act like you ladies don’t like to show off…
good article! thanks Julie. I am doing my salsa in a non-traditional place for Salsa-India- and so I am always looking for tips
Can I get an amen for Davethe3rd. Especially number 1.
Julie, now does #10 imply that because I live and dance in L.A. I can plant my feet and let her “do her thing?”
The only time I try and teach is if she asks me, and that’s usually at the practice session after class, but then at that point it’s still part of the class setting, so I guess it’s ok.
Re: “that move in which the guy plants his feet and waits as his partner is expected to “do her thing”
It’s not just an LA thing, I’m from NYC and I LOVE LOVE LOVE to DO MY THING!! weepaaa!
Thank you!! Excellent tips. I started Salsa lessons and dancing at the club a month ago. These were some of the things I was thinking about too about guys but didn’t know how to bring it up. I will post this tips at the dance studio so they can get a clue without offending anybody. Asking the guy to wash hands is hilarious. One of the guys in my class is always sweaty and blowing his nose, that’s plain yucky. As a beginner I do appreciate when a guy is trying to help.
Amen to Deodorant and chewing gum.
Super great article!!!!!! I’m a newby to the salsa world. Started a little more than a month ago and I’m already addicted to it. I used to be a clubbed because I loved to dance, who knew the club scene is the worst dancing enviroment for the celebrating of dance. Ever since I paid a visit to a downtown salsa club, which is almost the opposite of a traditional dance club, I knew salsa would be apart of me forever. I just can’t wait till I move out of the begginer stage and get to boogie. Thanks again for the great info.
Ray: you are so dead on in your long post! Thanks for being SO aware – you are exactly with whom we women want to dance!!! What’s your number? (heh, heh).
Additional thoughts: if I’m having a good dance with someone, there’s no problem asking for another right after, especially if the first was a bit short. A third might be overkill, I may want to dance with you again later in the night for sure but let’s take a break after 2 in a row. And some of my fav dances were with older and younger men of few moves but who did those moves with so much love of the music and dance and so much real connection with me that the moves were meaningful and I was in heaven.
Men: we so need you to protect us on the dance floor. I just had my toe broken the other week – both my guy and her guy were rank newbies, and yes, I’m sorry it was both their faults it happened! Up till now I’ve always gone by the credo that I will dance with anyone who asks, but now, I do NOT want to go through another broken toe (and I was having such a good night before it happened too), so I’m thinking twice about guys who are so into themselves they’re not aware of what’s happening around their partner and let them get hurt. It speaks volumes about who you are as a person and it’s simply not worth being injured and off the dance floor as long as it takes to heal! So, if I say no to you now, this may be why – have I watched you repeatedly bump and injure some other woman on the dance floor? Conversely, I have watched good lead dancers make heroic moves to save their woman partner from injury (and she was stylin’ away, blissfully unaware of what they did to save her) but we women watching saw it and that’s who we want to dance with too, because we SO appreciate that kind of care and attention, and again, we can’t see behind us!!! We don’t know it’s coming! I certainly save my partners by pulling them closer when there’s something going on behind them and I see a crash coming on. A crowded floor is also not the time to lead certain moves requiring a bent knee foot fan that can get stomped from behind, or trip another dancer in a tight spot, for example, so please don’t lead it and then get pissed off if I don’t do the move with full styling because you’re freaking me out that you’re not aware of this fact! I can’t make you look good if you’re not making it safe for me.
@ Isis -Rule 1 for me is Always keep your partner safe.
I understand that bumps happen, but I really try and be aware of what’s going on. I’ve even gotten a “Good Save” from my teacher I was dancing with.
On the flip side of that, please give a good frame so we can give the lead to get you out of someone’s way. I’ve danced with some women that feel like they’ve got spaghetti arms and I’ve given a lead and she just doesn’t feel it. At that point, I just do real basic moves. Keeps everyone safe.
Eric,
You’re absolutely right all round! It is important to keep a good frame and catch all the leads, including the safety ones. And thank you for making safety rule 1 in your books. Bumps are gonna happen, of course, but broken toes are just not necessary (at least not until mosh pit salsa becomes it’s own xtreme sport). And thanks for adjusting your moves to your partner, that shows some caring and generosity. The idea is for everyone to enjoy themselves on some level! cheers!
Broken bones are never a good thing. I’d feel horrible if that happened to someone I was dancing with.
Hmmm, Mosh Pit Salsa? Would that be quick, quick slam?
Ha, ha, good one…!
But on a sober note, without the etiquette discussed here, it does devolve into a mosh pit pretty much…
Ya, it IS horrible, 6 weeks of recovery, no dancing, and it’s never the same again. Well, that’s life. Cheers!
God, 6 weeks of no dancing? That must have been awful. I hope that you’ve gotten back out there.
But I think that articles like this are great. I want to be That Guy that all the ladies want to dance with.
One more thing I’d like to add is do let us know if you’ve got something going on that we’ve got to know about. I danced with a woman last night that told me that she was getting over some wrist injury and to go easy on her wrists. Of course I was more than happy to oblige and adjusted accordingly. I also know this woman that has a bad shoulder, so I don’t spin her much on that side and try to be gentle. I’d rather her tell me up front than get a wince and a nasty look when I’m out on the floor.
THE Cardinal Rule of Social Dancing:
IF IT –
Hurts
Looks Bad
Goes Wrong
Causes Injury
or just doesn’t turn out the way you expected it to…
ITS THE GUY’S FAULT
And as Men, us guys need to figure out how to make it right
Eric: you sound like a sweetheart, I’m sure your care translates to the dance floor and women appreciate dancing with you! Wanting to be that guy that women love to dance with is already over half the battle anyway. I really wanted to be a really good follower and that desire alone helped me get way way better at it with practice. Ya, I’m back at dancing now, and btw, I didn’t mention the bleeding either – all over my salsa shoes, ruined them. That just to say: guys, it’s a big deal to have all that happen to someone on your watch and take them out of commission doing something they love for over a month and ruin a pair of expensive shoes.
Lupe: that sounds a bit harsh but on a broad level there’s no denying it. The way it’s set up just naturally comes back to the lead. But then I think it also comes back to the intention one holds as one approaches dancing, approaches another human being, etc.
You know last night I was at a club and watched this one guy dancing with this woman who didn’t have a clue about half his leads, clearly a beginner (I think I might have found it painful dancing with her personally) but she was petite and cute and man, he worked for her. He kept catching her with both hands and bringing her back to center and stopping her so she wouldn’t spin out of control and steadying her and going back to a lead she knew and then showing her something new and being SO gentle and SO aware (it was a really busy dance floor with some inevitable bumper car action) and he was really showing her a good time, I have no idea what it was like for him but he clearly wanted to do this with her, they were clearly strangers, he didn’t look like he was trying to put any moves on her, and he danced with her again, he didn’t just say thank you and walk off. I was so impressed with him, and even if that girl didn’t know how much he was doing for her you could see the appreciation in her eyes and in her smile. He made her feel like a dancer. There was nothing in that guy’s dancing that was about him – and he was hot AND a good dancer. THAT is social dancing at its most generous. And yes I wanted to dance with that guy.
I on the other hand, had a really fun night until I got ‘that guy’ who dances too close and then – get this – starts working his way down your body until he practically has your boob in his mouth – like, hello? Do I know you? No. Did I give you any indication that was desired? No. That’s not appropriate on a dance floor even if it was! Where do guys get off thinking that we enjoy, appreciate or want to be mauled by total strangers? I should have walked off right then but I was nice and just finished the dance with a very strong frame.
But here’s a question for you: should we just stop dancing and walk away in those situations? Would he get the message better and would that better stop that kind of behavior from recurring?
I’ve got a friend who if he needs to get out of a dance, he fakes getting stepped on and hurting his foot or some other injury. Then he turns to her and basically tells her he’s got to sit down.
Getting a face full of boobs? Heck I don’t do that with the women I’m friend’s with. That would come off as creepy. Especially with a stranger.
It is creepy, it’s beyond rude, it’s usership of the worst kind, it’s pathetic, lacks basic self respect let alone respect for others, and it has nothing to do with dancing. Thx Eric.
NOTE to the beginning guys: I’m an older guy (58) who hasn’t done any dancing in a VERY long time until I started taking classes. We have class at a club for 3 hours before it opens and then most everyone stays and dances for awhile. I have been taking classes for about 3 months but haven’t had the skills or the nerve to stay and try to dance. Trust me trying to learn Salsa at nearly 60 isn’t the easiest thing to do, but I am having a good time.
But last night one of the girls grabbed me before I left and drug me out on the floor. After getting on the floor one time, I spent the next two hours having young beautiful women ask ME to dance, including one of the advanced dancers who is EXTREMELY attractive!!
I’m still a terrible dancer, but the ladies in our group have watched me putting in the effort to learn and are kinda getting a kick out of finally getting the old guy out on the floor.
The lesson here is this. Learn as much as you can. Try to make some friends in class. Be respectful and just get on the floor and do the simple things that you know. Most of the ladies LOVE to dance and if it’s obvious you are having a good time, they probably will too.
BTW this article has helped me a lot being comfortable in the club with a lot of folks who are a lot less than half my age.
And if you ever visit the Knoxville area check the Salsaknox website.
@ Alex – first of all learning Salsa at ANY age is tough, but it’s well worth the effort. I started in January and I’m hooked like you wouldn’t believe. When the women drag you out the dance floor and they really want to dance with you, let me tell you that has got to be one of the best feelings in the world. Right up there with them saying “Damn your a good dancer.”
But if you just get out there on the dance floor and practice with a good attitude, you’ll get better. And it really IS supposed to be fun.
Alex: we love to dance with older men who love to dance, you make us feel safe and let us enjoy the dance, no matter what level you’re at. And we love seeing you enjoy yourself and we love it that you try and are usually sincere and honest and yourself in your efforts. It reminds us all of the fundamentals of what dance does for the human soul on one hand, and on the other, you older guys have wider experience and dance with us differently, usually more respectfully, often you listen to the music more deeply and use it more too. Point is, you bring something to the dance floor that is valuable, so don’t forget that! We need diversity on the dance floor and you inspire us cause we all want to dance when we’re older too and here you are showing us all how it’s done! The key is everything you say in that one paragraph after “the lesson here is this!” You are so right. Dance on! And keep doing the socials cause that’s where you really learn so much more.