1. We don’t endorse the use of force.
Ask the lady to dance with you, don’t 
tell her she is going to dance with you. Grabbing her wrist and urging, “Come on. Just one song” does not fly. If she declines, the best reaction is to acknowledge her choice and walk away. No verbal persuasion, cajoling or physical dragging should be utilized – especially when her boyfriend is around. If she gives the bathroom excuse, do not wait for her outside the bathroom- that is just plain creepy.
2. Ask her twice, she’ll turn to ice.
You can ask twice in one night, but not one right after the other. When a song has ended, it is best not to ask her to dance right away. Even if you both seemed to have fun, give it some time and leave her wanting more… that is much better than risking her wanting to push you away.
3. Yakkity Yak? We won’t come back.
Leave the chatting to Cathy! Keep talking to a minimum- exchanging names and where you are from at the beginning of the song is fine, but what the ladies don’t like is when guys sacrifice the dance itself, and end up doing basic step the whole song while chatting. This comes across as hitting on us.
4. Giving advice is not very nice.
A HUGE dancing no-no is giving lessons on the dance floor. Many guys assume the girl is a beginner (and if she is not, this is extremely insulting) and give her lessons or tips while dancing. Advice has its place…in the studio.
5. Look at her eyes, not at the prize
Maybe the girl is so enthralling (read: hot) you want to gaze into her eyes (or somewhere else) while dancing–but resist this temptation. It comes across as predatorial. Staring at her the entire time without blinking comes across sort of serial killer-ish. On the other hand, too little eye contact comes across as disinterested. Ladies appreciate a lead who makes eye contact now and then, to “check in”, or establish a connection. This ensures that both of us are having fun.
6. Hug me too tight, I’ll put up a fight
How close is too close? Dancing is in essence a sensual activity, but everyone has their own limits, and crossing them can have negative consequences. Certain types of contact are more personal than others, like touching the face, stomach, or butt. These are areas that you should completely avoid with strangers (and yes, we are aware of the trick where your hands on our back keep getting lower, and lower…we don’t like it). Pay attention to the lady’s feedback. If her arm is around you on your shoulderblade, it’s a good sign. If, however, her left hand has wandered to the FRONT of your shoulder, and she is slightly pushing you away, you are too close.
7. Don’t Drink and Dance
One or two drinks is fine, but if we can smell it on your breath, chances are you are sloppier than you think, and might even be more flirtatious than you think. This can affect both dancing skills AND etiquette. Oh, and PLEASE don’t spill your drink on the floor!!! (Note: if you have alcohol on your breath and get too close, it sends the message that you only want one thing).
8. It’s raining, it’s pouring…oh wait…that’s your sweat?!
Let’s talk about shirts. Some of my male friends bring an extra shirt (or three) when they go out dancing, and the ladies love it! Anyone will appreciate someone who has good hygiene (showers are good, deodorant is good, a little body spray/cologne is nice, onions and B.O. are NOT so good). Axe makes a body spray that can fit in your pocket (or car), which could be handy. Though the girl may not seem to notice, she will subconsciously, and will be much more excited to dance with you again. Guys, you can read Anthony’s “The Salsa Axe Effect” for more details.
9. Bumper cars make us see stars
There is no better way to get a girl to leave than letting her get her foot crunched by another girl’s heel. “Oh! I’m in pain! I guess I’ll have to go sit down…” We know that much is out of your control, and sometimes dance floors get crazy, but just try your best to help us stay safe on the dance floor. If we are bumping into people right and left, we may begin to believe that you are not looking out for us at all. Ladies like to get rescued, right? Well, rescue us from injury with a simple cross body lead away from the potential offender. We appreciate that as a modern form of chivalry.
10. Dancing With The Stars is a show on ABC
Not every lady’s dying dream at a club. In fact, too much showing off is a huge turn-off. This includes, but is not limited to: dips, tricks, dancing for your “audience” instead of for/with your partner, and in some locations*, that move in which the guy plants his feet and waits as his partner is expected to “do her thing” (*avoid this if you live anywhere other than Los Angeles). On the flip side, try not to go into autopilot, going through your moves mechanically rather than dancing to the music (we’ll get bored). Women REALLY appreciate a good connection when we dance, and if you are showing off for others or on autopilot, we won’t feel it. This is an area where you can get major points, regardless of level. Ladies can have a blast with a total beginner if he is into the music, and establishes a good connection during the dance.
Breaking any of these rules of etiquette will increase the probability that you will not get future dances with the girl. Why? She may have misinterpreted your intentions. The important thing is to understand what different behaviors and body language communicate. Since these 10 behaviors are all ways you can possibly offend salseras, it is better to err on the side of caution, and get lots of repeat dances with very satisfied ladies. I recommend getting a group together just like I did and asking them what they think…you might make some interesting discoveries. Follow up with this discussion in the community section…guys, we want your opinions too! What behaviors should the ladies avoid at clubs?
A big thanks to my salsera friends for collaborating! Names will not be posted to protect the innocent. 
Stay tuned for the MALE response: Top behaviors ladies should avoid at the salsa club.
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NOTE to the beginning guys: I’m an older guy (58) who hasn’t done any dancing in a VERY long time until I started taking classes. We have class at a club for 3 hours before it opens and then most everyone stays and dances for awhile. I have been taking classes for about 3 months but haven’t had the skills or the nerve to stay and try to dance. Trust me trying to learn Salsa at nearly 60 isn’t the easiest thing to do, but I am having a good time.
But last night one of the girls grabbed me before I left and drug me out on the floor. After getting on the floor one time, I spent the next two hours having young beautiful women ask ME to dance, including one of the advanced dancers who is EXTREMELY attractive!!
I’m still a terrible dancer, but the ladies in our group have watched me putting in the effort to learn and are kinda getting a kick out of finally getting the old guy out on the floor.
The lesson here is this. Learn as much as you can. Try to make some friends in class. Be respectful and just get on the floor and do the simple things that you know. Most of the ladies LOVE to dance and if it’s obvious you are having a good time, they probably will too.
BTW this article has helped me a lot being comfortable in the club with a lot of folks who are a lot less than half my age.
And if you ever visit the Knoxville area check the Salsaknox website.
@ Alex – first of all learning Salsa at ANY age is tough, but it’s well worth the effort. I started in January and I’m hooked like you wouldn’t believe. When the women drag you out the dance floor and they really want to dance with you, let me tell you that has got to be one of the best feelings in the world. Right up there with them saying “Damn your a good dancer.”
But if you just get out there on the dance floor and practice with a good attitude, you’ll get better. And it really IS supposed to be fun.
Alex: we love to dance with older men who love to dance, you make us feel safe and let us enjoy the dance, no matter what level you’re at. And we love seeing you enjoy yourself and we love it that you try and are usually sincere and honest and yourself in your efforts. It reminds us all of the fundamentals of what dance does for the human soul on one hand, and on the other, you older guys have wider experience and dance with us differently, usually more respectfully, often you listen to the music more deeply and use it more too. Point is, you bring something to the dance floor that is valuable, so don’t forget that! We need diversity on the dance floor and you inspire us cause we all want to dance when we’re older too and here you are showing us all how it’s done! The key is everything you say in that one paragraph after “the lesson here is this!” You are so right. Dance on! And keep doing the socials cause that’s where you really learn so much more.
I always appreciate any compliments from salseras after a dance. It makes my night. I’ve begun practicing complimenting my partners, especially the beginners. For me, it is a matter of learning to spot the things that she really does do nicely. I find that it helps me better understand how to adapt my dancing to them, and hopefully makes their evening more fun as well. On a different note, how do you disentangle yourself when the you suddenly realize that the music has moved on. I don’t want to monopolize my partner. This is always awkward for me. I realize that it probably shows I’m not paying enough attention to the music, but then again, I’ve seen really expert salseros mistakenly think a song is over, only to have it resume as they are walking off the floor.
I practice the salsa for the last 2 months, and I’m really getting better every day. But one evening I asked a girl to dance, but she was unkind and refused me. When I returned to the table with my friends, they just laughed and laughed. It was just shake my confidence, and I thought to stop practicing salsa
That is just harsh! I have been dancing now for a few months, 5 times a week and I have never yet refused a dance (because you never know who might surprise you!) I danced with a very large, balding, older gentleman only last night who had asked me to be nice. He turned out to be a phenomonal dancer and literally swept me off my feet. So don’t let one bad experience affect you!! I find the salsa crowd tend to be one of the most welcoming and friendly and just because one girl has had a bad day, is snooty and impolite, just tell yourself, she wasn’t worth it. people should try to remember what it was like to be a beginner> I always think that when I was a complete beginner, I had much more experienced dancers take time out of their evening to help me progress and now I try to reciprocate.
But can I just argue for the sake of playing devil’s advocate. I find that sometimes tips from the guys on the dance floor are very useful (provided they are given in a suitable manner…a smile…a you know what you could do there instead…or a…if you do this, you might find it easier) particlarly with some of the more advanced steps. That way the two of you can really benefit, progress and enjoy a dance, which may otherwise be awkward or stilted. I would prefer the tips if it meant the guy would then feel more adventurous to try out new steps (not advocating showing off, but sharing a more interesting routine) rather than sticking to a basic routine because he doesn’t think you are capable and is wary of giving you correction. For example I have been struggling with multiple turns (even three in a row) since I began. It wasn’t until last week, when I was dancing with a guy who stopped me on the dance floor mid dance and took me aside. He gave me some tips, practiced with me for a couple of dances and by the end of the night I was able to do 6/7 turns. As a result of this piece of advice, which noone had corrected for me in class, the possibility of doing much more advanced steps suddenly opened up to me. So I would argue that there is evidently a time and a place but if you are dancing with a beginner or someone who is obviously doing something wrong,don’t hesitate to gently suggest minor improvements. As long as it isn’t given with a complex of superiority or in a mocking manner it can work well. Good communication, good hygiene(complete agreement)and an open and friendly attitude- no snide, indulgent/patronising smiles or comments- can get you very far!
Great article, very perceptive!