Comments on: Top 10 behaviors for guys to avoid at the salsa clubs (and not be creepy) http://addicted2salsa.com/dance/top-10-behaviors-for-guys-to-avoid-at-the-salsa-clubs/ Salsa dancing videos and lessons to get you salsa dancing for free. Sun, 05 Feb 2012 22:07:48 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Provence http://addicted2salsa.com/dance/top-10-behaviors-for-guys-to-avoid-at-the-salsa-clubs/comment-page-2/#comment-5331 Provence Sat, 22 May 2010 16:43:02 +0000 http://addicted2salsa.com/?p=1113#comment-5331 That is just harsh! I have been dancing now for a few months, 5 times a week and I have never yet refused a dance (because you never know who might surprise you!) I danced with a very large, balding, older gentleman only last night who had asked me to be nice. He turned out to be a phenomonal dancer and literally swept me off my feet. So don't let one bad experience affect you!! I find the salsa crowd tend to be one of the most welcoming and friendly and just because one girl has had a bad day, is snooty and impolite, just tell yourself, she wasn't worth it. people should try to remember what it was like to be a beginner> I always think that when I was a complete beginner, I had much more experienced dancers take time out of their evening to help me progress and now I try to reciprocate. But can I just argue for the sake of playing devil's advocate. I find that sometimes tips from the guys on the dance floor are very useful (provided they are given in a suitable manner...a smile...a you know what you could do there instead...or a...if you do this, you might find it easier) particlarly with some of the more advanced steps. That way the two of you can really benefit, progress and enjoy a dance, which may otherwise be awkward or stilted. I would prefer the tips if it meant the guy would then feel more adventurous to try out new steps (not advocating showing off, but sharing a more interesting routine) rather than sticking to a basic routine because he doesn't think you are capable and is wary of giving you correction. For example I have been struggling with multiple turns (even three in a row) since I began. It wasn't until last week, when I was dancing with a guy who stopped me on the dance floor mid dance and took me aside. He gave me some tips, practiced with me for a couple of dances and by the end of the night I was able to do 6/7 turns. As a result of this piece of advice, which noone had corrected for me in class, the possibility of doing much more advanced steps suddenly opened up to me. So I would argue that there is evidently a time and a place but if you are dancing with a beginner or someone who is obviously doing something wrong,don't hesitate to gently suggest minor improvements. As long as it isn't given with a complex of superiority or in a mocking manner it can work well. Good communication, good hygiene(complete agreement)and an open and friendly attitude- no snide, indulgent/patronising smiles or comments- can get you very far! Great article, very perceptive! :) That is just harsh! I have been dancing now for a few months, 5 times a week and I have never yet refused a dance (because you never know who might surprise you!) I danced with a very large, balding, older gentleman only last night who had asked me to be nice. He turned out to be a phenomonal dancer and literally swept me off my feet. So don’t let one bad experience affect you!! I find the salsa crowd tend to be one of the most welcoming and friendly and just because one girl has had a bad day, is snooty and impolite, just tell yourself, she wasn’t worth it. people should try to remember what it was like to be a beginner> I always think that when I was a complete beginner, I had much more experienced dancers take time out of their evening to help me progress and now I try to reciprocate.

But can I just argue for the sake of playing devil’s advocate. I find that sometimes tips from the guys on the dance floor are very useful (provided they are given in a suitable manner…a smile…a you know what you could do there instead…or a…if you do this, you might find it easier) particlarly with some of the more advanced steps. That way the two of you can really benefit, progress and enjoy a dance, which may otherwise be awkward or stilted. I would prefer the tips if it meant the guy would then feel more adventurous to try out new steps (not advocating showing off, but sharing a more interesting routine) rather than sticking to a basic routine because he doesn’t think you are capable and is wary of giving you correction. For example I have been struggling with multiple turns (even three in a row) since I began. It wasn’t until last week, when I was dancing with a guy who stopped me on the dance floor mid dance and took me aside. He gave me some tips, practiced with me for a couple of dances and by the end of the night I was able to do 6/7 turns. As a result of this piece of advice, which noone had corrected for me in class, the possibility of doing much more advanced steps suddenly opened up to me. So I would argue that there is evidently a time and a place but if you are dancing with a beginner or someone who is obviously doing something wrong,don’t hesitate to gently suggest minor improvements. As long as it isn’t given with a complex of superiority or in a mocking manner it can work well. Good communication, good hygiene(complete agreement)and an open and friendly attitude- no snide, indulgent/patronising smiles or comments- can get you very far!
Great article, very perceptive! :)

]]> By: Pistone http://addicted2salsa.com/dance/top-10-behaviors-for-guys-to-avoid-at-the-salsa-clubs/comment-page-2/#comment-5186 Pistone Sun, 11 Apr 2010 20:36:53 +0000 http://addicted2salsa.com/?p=1113#comment-5186 I practice the salsa for the last 2 months, and I'm really getting better every day. But one evening I asked a girl to dance, but she was unkind and refused me. When I returned to the table with my friends, they just laughed and laughed. It was just shake my confidence, and I thought to stop practicing salsa I practice the salsa for the last 2 months, and I’m really getting better every day. But one evening I asked a girl to dance, but she was unkind and refused me. When I returned to the table with my friends, they just laughed and laughed. It was just shake my confidence, and I thought to stop practicing salsa

]]> By: Jona http://addicted2salsa.com/dance/top-10-behaviors-for-guys-to-avoid-at-the-salsa-clubs/comment-page-2/#comment-5174 Jona Thu, 01 Apr 2010 19:36:33 +0000 http://addicted2salsa.com/?p=1113#comment-5174 I always appreciate any compliments from salseras after a dance. It makes my night. I've begun practicing complimenting my partners, especially the beginners. For me, it is a matter of learning to spot the things that she really does do nicely. I find that it helps me better understand how to adapt my dancing to them, and hopefully makes their evening more fun as well. On a different note, how do you disentangle yourself when the you suddenly realize that the music has moved on. I don't want to monopolize my partner. This is always awkward for me. I realize that it probably shows I'm not paying enough attention to the music, but then again, I've seen really expert salseros mistakenly think a song is over, only to have it resume as they are walking off the floor. I always appreciate any compliments from salseras after a dance. It makes my night. I’ve begun practicing complimenting my partners, especially the beginners. For me, it is a matter of learning to spot the things that she really does do nicely. I find that it helps me better understand how to adapt my dancing to them, and hopefully makes their evening more fun as well. On a different note, how do you disentangle yourself when the you suddenly realize that the music has moved on. I don’t want to monopolize my partner. This is always awkward for me. I realize that it probably shows I’m not paying enough attention to the music, but then again, I’ve seen really expert salseros mistakenly think a song is over, only to have it resume as they are walking off the floor.

]]> By: Isis Wisdom http://addicted2salsa.com/dance/top-10-behaviors-for-guys-to-avoid-at-the-salsa-clubs/comment-page-2/#comment-4077 Isis Wisdom Sun, 30 Aug 2009 12:52:57 +0000 http://addicted2salsa.com/?p=1113#comment-4077 Alex: we love to dance with older men who love to dance, you make us feel safe and let us enjoy the dance, no matter what level you're at. And we love seeing you enjoy yourself and we love it that you try and are usually sincere and honest and yourself in your efforts. It reminds us all of the fundamentals of what dance does for the human soul on one hand, and on the other, you older guys have wider experience and dance with us differently, usually more respectfully, often you listen to the music more deeply and use it more too. Point is, you bring something to the dance floor that is valuable, so don't forget that! We need diversity on the dance floor and you inspire us cause we all want to dance when we're older too and here you are showing us all how it's done! The key is everything you say in that one paragraph after "the lesson here is this!" You are so right. Dance on! And keep doing the socials cause that's where you really learn so much more. Alex: we love to dance with older men who love to dance, you make us feel safe and let us enjoy the dance, no matter what level you’re at. And we love seeing you enjoy yourself and we love it that you try and are usually sincere and honest and yourself in your efforts. It reminds us all of the fundamentals of what dance does for the human soul on one hand, and on the other, you older guys have wider experience and dance with us differently, usually more respectfully, often you listen to the music more deeply and use it more too. Point is, you bring something to the dance floor that is valuable, so don’t forget that! We need diversity on the dance floor and you inspire us cause we all want to dance when we’re older too and here you are showing us all how it’s done! The key is everything you say in that one paragraph after “the lesson here is this!” You are so right. Dance on! And keep doing the socials cause that’s where you really learn so much more.

]]> By: Isis Wisdom http://addicted2salsa.com/dance/top-10-behaviors-for-guys-to-avoid-at-the-salsa-clubs/comment-page-1/#comment-4076 Isis Wisdom Sun, 30 Aug 2009 12:36:16 +0000 http://addicted2salsa.com/?p=1113#comment-4076 Anthony: what do you mean "just" there to dance? We are ALWAYS there to dance FIRST! Get that straight from the beginning (unless you're looking at a not very good dancer babe out for drinks and a good time, but you'll know her). Women like to dance! (I'd be a bit weary of the women who are there just for man meat unless you don't mind being someone's rebound boy toy for a night though). So, ask her to bachata with you, pull her close enough and see if she gets closer. Some guys have this irresistable way of offering themselves in a really masculine way but not pushing it, that allows us to decide how much closer we want to be (esp. if you smell good), so just make sure if we get a bit closer you respond a bit back too, don't stay neutral, let us know you're interested too. Keep it gentle and respectful and you'll have us coming back for more. (If we put your leg in a vice grip between ours, you're pretty much home free. Take that to read that the woman is either not North American but from a culture that knows how to bachata properly or that she's trying you on for some future horizontal dancing). Also, because we're usually there to dance first, sometimes we really notice you more after several dances over several weeks of repeated coming back to the same place, so if you want a good dancer to be interested in you, have patience. Usually there is an initial attraction but more energy gets put into it later once we get used to you a bit. In that case, talk to us more as you go along. We'll respond if we're interested. Dance close with us gently and we'll respond if we're interested. And then just ask if we'd go out with you some other time and get our email or number, whichever we're willing to give (a girl's gotta be careful too). OR, some of you do the nice hug at the end of a dance thing, and some of you use it as a test too. Give us a nice long lingering hug with a lot of good I-like-you energy in it and if you get it back or she steps in closer increase your energy a bit too and if you get more back again, you've got your answer too. Nota Bene: If we see you do this over and over again in the same night with different women, however, and we get our girlfriends to watch you while we're dancing and they report back that you're doing this with every girl, chances are you get cut off. Anthony: what do you mean “just” there to dance? We are ALWAYS there to dance FIRST! Get that straight from the beginning (unless you’re looking at a not very good dancer babe out for drinks and a good time, but you’ll know her). Women like to dance! (I’d be a bit weary of the women who are there just for man meat unless you don’t mind being someone’s rebound boy toy for a night though).

So, ask her to bachata with you, pull her close enough and see if she gets closer. Some guys have this irresistable way of offering themselves in a really masculine way but not pushing it, that allows us to decide how much closer we want to be (esp. if you smell good), so just make sure if we get a bit closer you respond a bit back too, don’t stay neutral, let us know you’re interested too. Keep it gentle and respectful and you’ll have us coming back for more. (If we put your leg in a vice grip between ours, you’re pretty much home free. Take that to read that the woman is either not North American but from a culture that knows how to bachata properly or that she’s trying you on for some future horizontal dancing).

Also, because we’re usually there to dance first, sometimes we really notice you more after several dances over several weeks of repeated coming back to the same place, so if you want a good dancer to be interested in you, have patience. Usually there is an initial attraction but more energy gets put into it later once we get used to you a bit. In that case, talk to us more as you go along. We’ll respond if we’re interested. Dance close with us gently and we’ll respond if we’re interested. And then just ask if we’d go out with you some other time and get our email or number, whichever we’re willing to give (a girl’s gotta be careful too).

OR, some of you do the nice hug at the end of a dance thing, and some of you use it as a test too. Give us a nice long lingering hug with a lot of good I-like-you energy in it and if you get it back or she steps in closer increase your energy a bit too and if you get more back again, you’ve got your answer too.

Nota Bene: If we see you do this over and over again in the same night with different women, however, and we get our girlfriends to watch you while we’re dancing and they report back that you’re doing this with every girl, chances are you get cut off.

]]> By: Eric http://addicted2salsa.com/dance/top-10-behaviors-for-guys-to-avoid-at-the-salsa-clubs/comment-page-2/#comment-4075 Eric Sun, 30 Aug 2009 07:55:34 +0000 http://addicted2salsa.com/?p=1113#comment-4075 @ Alex - first of all learning Salsa at ANY age is tough, but it's well worth the effort. I started in January and I'm hooked like you wouldn't believe. When the women drag you out the dance floor and they really want to dance with you, let me tell you that has got to be one of the best feelings in the world. Right up there with them saying "Damn your a good dancer." :-) But if you just get out there on the dance floor and practice with a good attitude, you'll get better. And it really IS supposed to be fun. @ Alex – first of all learning Salsa at ANY age is tough, but it’s well worth the effort. I started in January and I’m hooked like you wouldn’t believe. When the women drag you out the dance floor and they really want to dance with you, let me tell you that has got to be one of the best feelings in the world. Right up there with them saying “Damn your a good dancer.” :-)

But if you just get out there on the dance floor and practice with a good attitude, you’ll get better. And it really IS supposed to be fun.

]]> By: Alex http://addicted2salsa.com/dance/top-10-behaviors-for-guys-to-avoid-at-the-salsa-clubs/comment-page-2/#comment-4074 Alex Sun, 30 Aug 2009 03:16:09 +0000 http://addicted2salsa.com/?p=1113#comment-4074 NOTE to the beginning guys: I'm an older guy (58) who hasn't done any dancing in a VERY long time until I started taking classes. We have class at a club for 3 hours before it opens and then most everyone stays and dances for awhile. I have been taking classes for about 3 months but haven't had the skills or the nerve to stay and try to dance. Trust me trying to learn Salsa at nearly 60 isn't the easiest thing to do, but I am having a good time. But last night one of the girls grabbed me before I left and drug me out on the floor. After getting on the floor one time, I spent the next two hours having young beautiful women ask ME to dance, including one of the advanced dancers who is EXTREMELY attractive!! I'm still a terrible dancer, but the ladies in our group have watched me putting in the effort to learn and are kinda getting a kick out of finally getting the old guy out on the floor. The lesson here is this. Learn as much as you can. Try to make some friends in class. Be respectful and just get on the floor and do the simple things that you know. Most of the ladies LOVE to dance and if it's obvious you are having a good time, they probably will too. BTW this article has helped me a lot being comfortable in the club with a lot of folks who are a lot less than half my age. And if you ever visit the Knoxville area check the Salsaknox website. NOTE to the beginning guys: I’m an older guy (58) who hasn’t done any dancing in a VERY long time until I started taking classes. We have class at a club for 3 hours before it opens and then most everyone stays and dances for awhile. I have been taking classes for about 3 months but haven’t had the skills or the nerve to stay and try to dance. Trust me trying to learn Salsa at nearly 60 isn’t the easiest thing to do, but I am having a good time.
But last night one of the girls grabbed me before I left and drug me out on the floor. After getting on the floor one time, I spent the next two hours having young beautiful women ask ME to dance, including one of the advanced dancers who is EXTREMELY attractive!!
I’m still a terrible dancer, but the ladies in our group have watched me putting in the effort to learn and are kinda getting a kick out of finally getting the old guy out on the floor.
The lesson here is this. Learn as much as you can. Try to make some friends in class. Be respectful and just get on the floor and do the simple things that you know. Most of the ladies LOVE to dance and if it’s obvious you are having a good time, they probably will too.

BTW this article has helped me a lot being comfortable in the club with a lot of folks who are a lot less than half my age.

And if you ever visit the Knoxville area check the Salsaknox website.

]]> By: Isis Wisdom http://addicted2salsa.com/dance/top-10-behaviors-for-guys-to-avoid-at-the-salsa-clubs/comment-page-1/#comment-4061 Isis Wisdom Wed, 19 Aug 2009 15:18:36 +0000 http://addicted2salsa.com/?p=1113#comment-4061 It is creepy, it's beyond rude, it's usership of the worst kind, it's pathetic, lacks basic self respect let alone respect for others, and it has nothing to do with dancing. Thx Eric. It is creepy, it’s beyond rude, it’s usership of the worst kind, it’s pathetic, lacks basic self respect let alone respect for others, and it has nothing to do with dancing. Thx Eric.

]]> By: Eric http://addicted2salsa.com/dance/top-10-behaviors-for-guys-to-avoid-at-the-salsa-clubs/comment-page-1/#comment-4060 Eric Wed, 19 Aug 2009 14:25:47 +0000 http://addicted2salsa.com/?p=1113#comment-4060 I've got a friend who if he needs to get out of a dance, he fakes getting stepped on and hurting his foot or some other injury. Then he turns to her and basically tells her he's got to sit down. Getting a face full of boobs? Heck I don't do that with the women I'm friend's with. That would come off as creepy. Especially with a stranger. I’ve got a friend who if he needs to get out of a dance, he fakes getting stepped on and hurting his foot or some other injury. Then he turns to her and basically tells her he’s got to sit down.

Getting a face full of boobs? Heck I don’t do that with the women I’m friend’s with. That would come off as creepy. Especially with a stranger.

]]> By: Isis Wisdom http://addicted2salsa.com/dance/top-10-behaviors-for-guys-to-avoid-at-the-salsa-clubs/comment-page-1/#comment-4059 Isis Wisdom Wed, 19 Aug 2009 13:39:58 +0000 http://addicted2salsa.com/?p=1113#comment-4059 Eric: you sound like a sweetheart, I'm sure your care translates to the dance floor and women appreciate dancing with you! Wanting to be that guy that women love to dance with is already over half the battle anyway. I really wanted to be a really good follower and that desire alone helped me get way way better at it with practice. Ya, I'm back at dancing now, and btw, I didn't mention the bleeding either - all over my salsa shoes, ruined them. That just to say: guys, it's a big deal to have all that happen to someone on your watch and take them out of commission doing something they love for over a month and ruin a pair of expensive shoes. Lupe: that sounds a bit harsh but on a broad level there's no denying it. The way it's set up just naturally comes back to the lead. But then I think it also comes back to the intention one holds as one approaches dancing, approaches another human being, etc. You know last night I was at a club and watched this one guy dancing with this woman who didn't have a clue about half his leads, clearly a beginner (I think I might have found it painful dancing with her personally) but she was petite and cute and man, he worked for her. He kept catching her with both hands and bringing her back to center and stopping her so she wouldn't spin out of control and steadying her and going back to a lead she knew and then showing her something new and being SO gentle and SO aware (it was a really busy dance floor with some inevitable bumper car action) and he was really showing her a good time, I have no idea what it was like for him but he clearly wanted to do this with her, they were clearly strangers, he didn't look like he was trying to put any moves on her, and he danced with her again, he didn't just say thank you and walk off. I was so impressed with him, and even if that girl didn't know how much he was doing for her you could see the appreciation in her eyes and in her smile. He made her feel like a dancer. There was nothing in that guy's dancing that was about him - and he was hot AND a good dancer. THAT is social dancing at its most generous. And yes I wanted to dance with that guy. I on the other hand, had a really fun night until I got 'that guy' who dances too close and then - get this - starts working his way down your body until he practically has your boob in his mouth - like, hello? Do I know you? No. Did I give you any indication that was desired? No. That's not appropriate on a dance floor even if it was! Where do guys get off thinking that we enjoy, appreciate or want to be mauled by total strangers? I should have walked off right then but I was nice and just finished the dance with a very strong frame. But here's a question for you: should we just stop dancing and walk away in those situations? Would he get the message better and would that better stop that kind of behavior from recurring? Eric: you sound like a sweetheart, I’m sure your care translates to the dance floor and women appreciate dancing with you! Wanting to be that guy that women love to dance with is already over half the battle anyway. I really wanted to be a really good follower and that desire alone helped me get way way better at it with practice. Ya, I’m back at dancing now, and btw, I didn’t mention the bleeding either – all over my salsa shoes, ruined them. That just to say: guys, it’s a big deal to have all that happen to someone on your watch and take them out of commission doing something they love for over a month and ruin a pair of expensive shoes.

Lupe: that sounds a bit harsh but on a broad level there’s no denying it. The way it’s set up just naturally comes back to the lead. But then I think it also comes back to the intention one holds as one approaches dancing, approaches another human being, etc.

You know last night I was at a club and watched this one guy dancing with this woman who didn’t have a clue about half his leads, clearly a beginner (I think I might have found it painful dancing with her personally) but she was petite and cute and man, he worked for her. He kept catching her with both hands and bringing her back to center and stopping her so she wouldn’t spin out of control and steadying her and going back to a lead she knew and then showing her something new and being SO gentle and SO aware (it was a really busy dance floor with some inevitable bumper car action) and he was really showing her a good time, I have no idea what it was like for him but he clearly wanted to do this with her, they were clearly strangers, he didn’t look like he was trying to put any moves on her, and he danced with her again, he didn’t just say thank you and walk off. I was so impressed with him, and even if that girl didn’t know how much he was doing for her you could see the appreciation in her eyes and in her smile. He made her feel like a dancer. There was nothing in that guy’s dancing that was about him – and he was hot AND a good dancer. THAT is social dancing at its most generous. And yes I wanted to dance with that guy.

I on the other hand, had a really fun night until I got ‘that guy’ who dances too close and then – get this – starts working his way down your body until he practically has your boob in his mouth – like, hello? Do I know you? No. Did I give you any indication that was desired? No. That’s not appropriate on a dance floor even if it was! Where do guys get off thinking that we enjoy, appreciate or want to be mauled by total strangers? I should have walked off right then but I was nice and just finished the dance with a very strong frame.

But here’s a question for you: should we just stop dancing and walk away in those situations? Would he get the message better and would that better stop that kind of behavior from recurring?

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